Looking ahead...

Since I haven't blogged in a while...thought I would take a quick moment to talk about some great projects that are coming up for me and what my focus has been in the past few weeks.

First, I have been talking to a lot to folks about living in the moment, and while I can certainly see the benefit to doing it more often, to stay there all the time just doesn't work in this business, at least not for me. You MUST be thinking and planning ahead and be "ready" for the moments that come to you that can make a real difference in your career. Once your in them, then by all means enjoy them if they're great or leave them behind if they're not, but I just think it's good to be prepared - maybe it's was my cub scout training or my mother's lists and plans. In any case, I've been trying to strike a balance recently and I feel it's paying off.

I had another call-back last week and even tho I didn't get the gig, I felt great about my work (after a couple of auditions where I really felt disconnected). I've also been having seminars with agents and casting directors in the last couple weeks and getting great feedback and feel pretty confident that I will be working with an agent again this Fall!

And speaking of this Fall:

I am very excited to be reprising my role as Manos in OPA! with Queens Theatre in the Park. The show will also reunite me with director Sam Viverito, who directed me in EVITA many moons ago. I am beyond excited to be working with him again. That begins rehearsals on September 10th and plays weekends in October!

My play, THE HOUSE OF NUNZIO, is having a private reading on September 17th in the city directed by Jamibeth Margolis and we are planning an invited reading later in the fall and an Off-Broadway run next year!

In November, for TWO PERFORMANCES ONLY, the incomparable Kellie Johnson and I are doing a cabaret at The Duplex in New York City!

Stay tuned...

Stick with it

This little blurb responds to two of my earlier posts which raised questions about how long I would attempt to stay in the business as an actor (this, my third time around) and if I have what it takes.

Answers: Yes...I do have what it takes and YES I need to stay in the game...ya gotta be in it to win it...it's all about "THE CLIMB!"

So it isn't a question of whether you should, or how you will, or can you do it...it is a matter of KNOWING it is who you are and that you are happiest even just in the pursuit of it! Find ways to make it work!

I am a success because I choose to be one! My resume and experience and professionalism all speak for me and the rest will come as I put all of my positive energy into the pursuit.

Recently I found out that the audition I mentioned in yet a third post here...well...let's just say my perception of what happened in the room was, it turns out, not anything like what I thought. In this case, that was a pleasing thing to learn, but ultimately it teaches me a much bigger lesson which you'd think I know, maybe have even preached, but don't always practice:

You have no idea what people are thinking and you shouldn't spend your energy trying to figure it out, or worry what they think or what they say after you leave the room. Since so much is out of your control and you really don't have any idea what they are thinking - why not just think the best. And the way to make that easier? Bring your A-game every time - be prepared, pleasant, pliable and punctual. Leave it all in the room, no matter what happens; how short the time is; what you are asked to do; whether you get a response or not. Leave the room with your head high and know that it will come to you. Maybe not that exact gig, or even a project done by those folks. But all of the work accumulates and is bringing you to someplace amazing. That work itself is success - it is a testament to the journey of creativity that must drive all of us, particularly actors.

Now I may not be able to make it work all the time, or always feel great, or always practice this little message, but darn it...I'm gonna make sure I try a bit harder to enjoy it as it happens and remember that I love being an actor and nothing is gonna change...no matter what!

If you just don't seem to fit...

should you quit?

While lately I have been attempting to embrace my quirk, well...quirks, I have come to realize that much of my talent lies in being able to do lots of stuff - maybe none of it GREAT (that is for others to decide) but between the looks I have: give me a mustache and I can play a Greek; give me a beard and my decent Persian accent and I am from the Middle East. I can play drunk convincingly well, do decent accents, sing from upper bass to tenor and so on. And yet all of this seems to make me almost unmarketable because I fall between two many lines. I am not "enough" of one type or one "strength" to land anything.

All of this comes from a great many auditions in the past two months where the feedback has been remarkable, to the point where I am often in the room for over 15 or 20 minutes doing everything under the sun, and being told how great I am at ALL of it but then never getting a call to do ANY of it. And I can only assume it is because people come in who can only do one of the things I do but they do it REALLY WELL and probably a bit better than me. Or they don't do it any better, but their type is closer to what that character would be - fatter, taller, younger, older, hotter, more Latin looking, less ethnic looking - you get the idea.

It's not like a lot of this stuff is new to me. I remember in college someone came from The Barn Theatre to audition the juniors and seniors for possible summer stock work. I sang from EVITA and nailed it, did Doolittle's monologue from MY FAIR LADY and nailed it and then did something else too. At the evaluation they said I blew them away with my voice and had them rolling with the monologue but that I gave them "mixed images." They said they wouldn't know what track to put me in because I fell "in the cracks." Those were their words, not mine. I remember feeling completely confused because I had assumed my versatility would be needed in stock where you might be asked to play a host of roles and ensemble parts in a varied season. I still think that I am right on that as a general rule, and maybe they were just blowing smoke up my ass cause they thought I was crap, I suppose I will never know. But it is interesting to me at this stage in my career that I feel like I am getting SO close and giving the auditions of my life (especially vocally) and yet I just can't get anything to land.

I have also been told by managers and agents that knowing your type and doing everything you can to fit into a specific "mold" or "track" is imperative to knowing where you fit in the business. Trouble is, I feel I could fit all over the place. Does that mean I don't fit anywhere? And if I don't fit, then what is the point?

I am on the verge of being forced out of the business of acting for the first time in my life. Now I have left before...twice before...but I made the decision to leave each time for different reasons. This time I don't WANT to leave, but debt and bill collectors and to be honest, a way of life is demanding that something come thru or I need to get a real job again and leave the biz behind. And when people say "just wait tables." or "take temp work," I want to scream! I DID THAT 20 years ago (well not wait tables but you already know that story) and to be honest, I can't afford to do that. I created a life for myself that I am TOTALLY willing to give up if I can be a working actor. But if I CAN'T be a working actor, then no, to be honest...I won't give up dinners out and vacations and cruises. I realize you can't have it all which is why I gave it all up two years ago.

A former student and friend (who also cast me in a couple projects which I am FOREVER grateful for) said to me that maybe I don't want it bad enough. I don't want to believe that, but maybe his is right.

I am sure that some of this seems to be free-flow thought with no rhyme or reason and I am certain that some of it is tied to earlier posts and may seem redundant. For that I apologize. All part of the actor's lifetime I guess...

What is in store???

Inspiration 2

So I neglected to mention another main inspiration to me: people who create their own work. I just get so excited (well MOST of the time) when I go see work that isn't mainstream, that doesn't have a big budget or big producers. I'm talking about showcase pieces and free Shakespeare in the Park (not the Public although they do great stuff too). I just have such an appreciation for those who do this type of work even tho it doesn't get them any money, it rarely gets covered by the press or gets the attention of industry. These actors and directors and other creatives do it because they love the craft - they just wanna be "doing it" and if Broadway or TV or even the regions aren't calling...they are gonna do it themselves damn it!

So big cheers to all the artists out there makin' it happen ON THEIR OWN!

I want to highlight a production of THE COMEDY OF ERRORS I saw today in Central Park produced by Boomerang Theatre Company. If you have the chance to see it in the next couple weekends - you'll be glad you did. It is a perfect example of the type of inspiration I am talking about.

You can visit them here and find out about the show...

http://boomerangtheatre.org/

It also brought back memories of a production of THE COMEDY OF ERRORS that I was so fortunate to be a part of. Trevor Nunn created a musical comedy version of the play (not to be confused with THE BOYS FROM SYRACUSE) in 1978. He stayed fairly true to the Shakespeare text but songs were written in place of some of the soliloquies - for example, Dromio of Ephesus has a quite a long speech about his being "beaten." In this version, it was replaced by the song, He Beats Me!

In case you want to see me in action from that production...(1987/88) here it is - sorry about the quality...

Clip from dress rehearsal of The US Premiere of this musical version of The Comedy of Errors (this adaptation includes original music by Guy Woolfsenden and lyrics by Trevor Nunn). Directed by RSC director Maurice Daniels with musical staging by Beverly Fletcher. This clip is the song, He Beats Me! sung by me as Dromio of Ephesus

Inspiration

I believe inspiration comes in many ways and brings about a variety of results, but in the entertainment industry, I almost feel as if inspiration is as crucial as talent. And I don't want to confuse drive with inspiration. Drive is something within while inspiration may become drive, but it begins as something outside of ourselves. Maybe we are inspired by local hero's who no one has ever heard of but we know who they are. Maybe we are inspired by the troops; maybe the President; maybe a rock star or missionary or sports figure. We may also be inspired by a painting or nature or a song.

For me, inspiration normally comes from people and from music. My mother (who I think of and miss EVERY day) has always been an inspiration to me. Her support and struggles and "life" inspired me to go after my dreams in the first place. In moments of despair or seeming failure, I have been inspired to move on because of her example. BTW...the painting above right was painted by my Mom and fits well with today's inspirations!

My friends in this business are also an inspiration to me - I am constantly amazed by their endurance, their perseverance, their "drive" and their heart! I salute them!

Today, I was inspired by two things and I wanted to share them:

A friend of my dear friend Evan (who I am now acquainted with) posted this on his Facebook Page and I hope he does not mind me sharing it...

"(he) dreamed for years of traveling the world, living in NYC and being a working actor. Though there were some very dark times, the dreams never died and now, one day at a time, they continue to come true. I am so grateful to all the people in my life that have given me hope when I was hopeless, help when I was helpless, and love when I felt unloveable! I am so blessed!!!!!"

The second, is the song The Climb sung by Miley Cyrus. Whenever I am ready to give up, or walk away or throw in the towel, ultimately it is music (and let me be clear that it is often "the lyrics" of that music) that revives me, re-awakens me, gives me hope, lifts me up, and renews my soul. Music is more than the "food of love," for me...it is the food of life. So, as I face some really tough decisions in the next few weeks - mainly, taking a 9-5 job and leaving my acting career (or maybe I should say my continued "attempt" at an acting career) in the shadows, I will keep singing this song and try to hold the lyrics close to my heart...try to believe it and live it.

The Climb lyrics

Songwriters: Alexander, J; Mabe, J;
Miley Cyrus

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

What to do?

After having left the business...TWICE (well, the performing end anyway), I told myself that this time around I would give myself more time to...well...make a living at my craft. I would say "make it" but that sounds silly to me. The last couple times I came back, I wasn't as focused, and each of those two times, I think I was back for about two years and then left.

Well...once again it is coming up on two years since I came back to acting full-time and I have only had one contract show and that was at the very beginning (thank God for Steve and Gail at Surflight). Two years is not a long time and yet overall, I have been in this for a REALLY long time. And at 43, when you are broke, have no survival job, the unemployment is about to run out, you have debt and bills to pay, and no contract is being offered, you have to start weighing the options.

While I feel I have been giving the best auditions of my life, have been really going after everything possible and feel I've gotten close on some things, close don't cut it.

So...I am left with the "what to dos?" I certainly want to give this more time and yet ya gotta have money to live. I have been applying for lots of different jobs over the past two months as a safety measure but in truth, many would take me out of the business again.

I'm certainly glad to be working on 1812 and have just been asked to reprise my role in OPA! this fall but neither are contract gigs. And without an agent, it's a bear.

So, here I am, again, with the question...what to do?

A plug for CAPTAIN STARGOOD

I am really excited to talk about one of the latest creative projects that I have had the privilege to be a part of. While I have not had the opportunity to do a TON of voice over work (or in this case, character creation voice work), whenever I have had the chance, I have always had a ball. I suppose part of it is the atmosphere and the way in which you work when you are doing voice over recording work. You can be in any clothes you want, there are always chances to do it over, there are always LOTS of laughs and it is an amazingly collaborative experience.

Working on CAPTAIN STARGOOD was no different. It has been great fun and the first two episodes are now up as webisodes on YouTube and the website http://www.captainstargood.com/

I think there is real potential in this little project. I am the voices of Dr. Einkopf and Jimmy the Cabin Boy. It's a hoot!

We launched the site last night and now it's being shared with the world! Enjoy!

The waiting is the hardest part...

Preparing for auditions and call-backs takes work. But ultimately, if the auditions go well, or you at least feel you've done good work, there is joy in those moments. If you don't go to auditions, you certainly aren't waiting for a call. But when you have done good work and get good feedback and then don't hear anything...it can take a toll...especially if you get even closer with a call-back or two. And unlike other arenas, you won't get a call, an email or letter saying that they went with someone else. Now if you have an agent, they will often inquire for you, but if you don't, and a lot of us don't, you just won't know until the cast list shows up on Playbill or you know rehearsals have started without you.

It's during those times that you have to focus extra hard on what makes you glad to be in the biz. Keep going to auditions, keep sending things out, keep taking classes and meeting people. It's too easy to start feeling sorry for yourself, wondering why they didn't choose you when you know you knocked it out of the park and they even said so! We have to keep reminding ourselves that it is about the work that we create and part of that is just enjoying the auditions and call back as that creation even if it doesn't lead to THE JOB.

I've been waiting over a week now to hear about the First National Tour of Mel Brook's YOUNG FRANKENSTEIN after my call-back for Igor last week. I had to learn a song and two scenes from the show and I thought I did a great job and the Musical Director seemed to really like my work in both the audition and the call-back. But now...nada. So today, I dropped thank-you notes off at the casting office for the assistant who sent me the sides, the casting director, the reader and the musical director. And I have to stop "waiting" and let it go. That doesn't mean i won't pay attention to what is going on with the show - on the contrary - any time they have replacement or understudy or any sort of call for Igor, I will try to be there. But I have to stop waiting for another call or it impedes me from doing other things and moving forward.

I hope I can practice what I preach in this case. I've had some other great auditions in the past few weeks and haven't even gotten a call-back for those projects. We used to say you have to do 100 auditions to get 10 call-backs and 1 show. Here's hoping my show is comin' up.

I do have SOME good news to report...I have been cast in a reading of a new musical and the webisodes of CAPTAIN STARGOOD that I have created two voices for launches this week.

So let's not wait for something to happen or for a phone call that may never come. Let's just keep goin' after it on multiple fronts and believe that when the call comes; when the contract is ready for our signature, that we will be ready and grateful and deserving!

When the stakes are REALLY high

So I am sure this is the same in most professions - there are levels of achievement or moments that are "larger" than others (for lack of a better term). Maybe they are larger because they bring more money or prestige or as I often say, they are "career changing moments." How can we do our best in those moments when indeed, so much is at stake? We really want the job...we really need the money...we've been working for it for SO long without a break that this seems like the one thing that will turn it around!

The best we can do is just that: our best. For actors, that means knowing as much as you can about a show, a part, the creative team the politics the realities of the budget...all of it. It means preparing our material like no tomorrow as if we already have been given the contract and are in rehearsals for the show. It means believing that it IS our chance, our moment and going in and with all the nerves that will find us there, all the heart pounding adrenalin of the moment, that we still find a way to present ourselves professionally without passing out or crapping our pants. And when we walk out of the room, no matter what has happened, believing in ourselves that it was just a moment and the results are out of our control.

And as my dear friend and Broadway actress Michele Ragusa recently said to me, "You have no idea what the people on the other side of the table are thinking. They can be scouring and you get the part."

So when faced with the really "high stakes" moments, we must prepare, pray (hey it never hurts) present professionally, pridefully exit and then poop (just kidding, I wanted to keep using P words). But seriously, that idea of "letting it go" is probably as important as the prep work. If you don't let it go and it hasn't gone your way, or you don't get the next call or the offer, it can rip you up inside. It can keep you from eating or sleeping and it can make you question your passion and your drive. Don't let it - after all it is one moment in front of a few people. If you believe they have your life in their hands, maybe you need to re-examine your life. YOU have your life in your hands and while fate and these few people may not bring you, in that moment, what you want, don't let them, or anything control your destiny.

In the acting business, more than any other, we rely on the opinions and views of others to get work - these "others" in any given moment, are evaluating our talent - and talent is subjective so one person on the panel can absolutely LOVE us and another can HATE us. We are not Internet Tech folks who either have the skills or don't. We are actors, with our own craft, our own skill set, our own way of performing and selling it - we are ARTISTS. And if we are artists can we really ever abandon our art? I suppose we can, but at what price?

I have said, throughout my career, on several occasions, that if it doesn't happen here, or now, or with this show, or this part, I am walking away. And as many of you know, I have walked away, a couple times. BUT...I am an actor. It is who I am. It is what I do. And now...at this "moment," I choose NOT to walk away. I choose to stay in the mix, to keep auditioning, to understand, that at any level of this business I will continue to be rejected. But I will continue to be hard-working, focused, professional and try to always bring my A-game to the table.

"Ain't nothin' gonna break my stride...nobody gonna slow me down, oh no, I've got to keep on movin'.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5rKWGCcq1Mo

I trust that you will do the same.

Who am I anyway?

Am I my resume? That is a picture of a person I don't know.

So as most of you know, those are lyrics from the opening of A CHORUS LINE. I often think of them on audition days (appropriate I guess), but today, I was especially mindful of them as I came back with a marathon day of auditions. I got appointments for all three EPA's that I wanted to go to (one for a new musical, one for the Broadway revival of FINIAN'S RAINBOW and one for the season at Gateway Playhouse). The first two...not so hot. I couldn't help but think that some of the criticism that I have received from industry folks lately had infiltrated my subconscious and caused me to choose material and present myself in a way that I normally wouldn't. Now that would be fine if I felt good about it, but I didn't. To be honest, I felt like I was having an out-of-body experience. I was watching myself as I sang my songs - and I saw myself with a strange focus, not moving at all - sort of like an animated corpse. Me? A corpse?

So, I was kinda disappointed with myself and thinking about the lyrics above and then, by some fate, I ran into a friend of mine, who asked me to listen to her audition as she was trying out a new song. When she came out, she asked me what I thought. "I love it!" I said. "And I've never heard it but it has great range and is really quirky!" She got a big smile on her face and said, "You know...I've decided that it's time I embrace my quirk!"

"Embrace my quirk!" "Embrace my quirk!"

I told her immediately that I LOVE IT and that I was stealing it as my new mantra! I realized in that moment that I DO know who that person is in my picture! I DO represent those rolls that I have played and what ties them together is ME and my "quirk!"

So I changed my song choice for the last audition, had a BLAST and sang my face off! It was character, it was vaudeville, it was fun, it was me embracing my quirk. I loved it, and they seemed to love it too!

Clearly, I'm gonna do all I can, as I move forward in this nutty profession to do what I feel most comfortable doing. If they love it...great! If they don't...oh well. I can't keep trying to please all of the people all of the time, or I will lose myself and end up pleasing NO ONE!

"Embrace your quirk!"