But I can't help and pause a bit after the passing of Whitney Houston and ponder life and what it all means? I say that last bit almost tongue in cheek because clearly none of us knows what it all means, but it represents the magnitude of what I am feeling. And she died literally a few miles from where we live so it was even more intense for some reason.
Let's face it...none of us are perfect. And I doubt there are many out there who have the perfect life they might have chosen for themselves were that even a possibility. But, there are some, who seem to be able to face their demons better than others - to find a way to sobriety (I use that term very loosely to represent a way of living that focuses on recovery from whatever ails us) and walk life's pathways with joy and gratitude at least a majority of the time. That is not to place judgement anywhere, it is merely an observation. There are those that seem to live in each moment as if it were their last; they take life by storm with a big smile and a bigger breath and they just march to their drum!
That is what I am hoping to do with this move to LA. Yes, it is about me trying to work in the realm of my career as an actor and writer and artist, but moreover it is a chance to begin again...like the phoenix rising out of the ashes (I realize I use that image a LOT). I want to be able to shed the fear of insecurity and doubt and mistrust...I want to focus on all that is positive and good and POSSIBLE. I want to maintain my own semblance of sobriety that allows me to make the healthiest, strongest and most joyful choices for my life and for the life I am creating with my partner.
I am well-aware as I find my way through my 40s that life really does happen on life's terms. And so often we feel like it's "on a wing and a prayer!" But I also believe that if we are open and joyful and constantly reminding ourselves of the gratitude, that we will be more available to take flight and to have the prayer answered.
And of course, part of my own gratitude is being able to create...write...sing...just get projects up on their feet! Shane and I are working on a little YouTube cooking show called, COOKING EASY WITH PATRICK. We are in pre-production now and hope to have the first little episode up in March. Be on the lookout for the trailer in the next couple weeks!
Light and love to you all...