Wednesday, March 21, 2012

Where do we go from here?

In glancing over the titles of all my past entries in this blog, this is only the third time I have asked a question in the title. That surprises me because I am someone who is CONSTANTLY asking questions - of myself, of a situation, of others (especially teachers, directors, colleagues). I am always asking questions because I am always seeking answers!

For the past week I have been faced with that ugly monster of fear and doubt. Wondering if the move to LA was the right one? Wondering if the projects I have chosen are the "best" for my career and for me as a person? Wondering if the "honeymoon" is over?

I realize that we all have hills and valleys and as I have mentioned in previous posts I am trying to live in gratitude. But sometimes that is more difficult than I would like it to be. And rainy days like today "always get me down."

But for this moment, as the rain pours outside, I will focus on all I have: an amazing loving partner, a wonderful little apartment, a great part in an American Premiere of a play, my cooking show, my health, and of course, my supportive friends and family! Not bad is it? I guess making a list of what we HAVE is a great way to keep perspective.

As for where I go from here? I have no idea...onward and upward!

Saturday, March 10, 2012

A simple and tasty meal...

What I hope to serve up on my cooking show...


I hope you will all follow along!

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Finding the balance...

Recently I saw an "inspiration video" if you will, from Tyler Perry. He talked about how if we scatter too many seeds that we will find ourselves "all over the place" and not have the focus on one thing, to succeed at anything. Kinda like that old cliche, I'm a Jack-of-all-Trades and Master of NONE! And yet, there has been the counter-argument that if we have multiple irons in the fire, our chances of something "catching" can improve exponentially. The more lines you toss into the water, the greater chance of catching a fish!

I'm not sure about you, but I'm having a hard time finding the balance in those two philosophies. Picking the one thing that I think will bring me success (I use that term loosely; more accurately: will bring me work that fulfills my creative needs and desires) is difficult for me and I usually find myself paralyzed with self doubt, self criticism, self sabotage (which normally causes me to just listen to Indigo Girls and eat a lot of chocolate), OR...I go at warp speed in 75 different directions submitting plays, filming, auditioning, trying to create a network, rehearsing, exercising, painting, working on a photography project, cooking...and it goes on!

I think it is time that I try to find a balance...maybe just sit silently for a change, silence the voices in my head and let the universe guide me to the place I am supposed to go. They say when you aren't sure what to nothing. That too is REALLY hard for me. But the warp speed thing...torn in twenty different directions isn't working for me because I find I don't ever FINISH anything. Lots of things in progress but not seen through - the plays, the paintings, the photography projects, the auditions I don't go to or am under-prepared for.

And maybe that is where Tyler has it right. Pick something and give it your all. I just have to let go of the results when I do that...I have to keep the fear and doubt of "choosing the wrong thing" out of the equation or Nestles will be richer than they already are.